So, it's been almost a month since I last updated. Whoops. I certainly didn't intend to go that long between posting. To be honest, I go around most days composing mental blog posts, but then I never seem to get around to actually updating. I've been in Minneapolis for the last two weeks, flying my bum off and then coming back to my crash pad to sleep. I forgot to bring my camera and I haven't had too many awesome layovers anyway, but still. I could blame the upheaval of my life after the fire, but I'm kind of tired of using that as a crutch. That said, these last few weeks have been really hard for me. I think the shock has finally worn off and I'm realizing the total impact of the fire. I've been starting to miss things I had to leave behind. I've cried three or four times at work, telling people about the fire. I've been homesick for a home I don't have anymore.
In the last few weeks, I've had two days off and I spent both days meeting friends downtown for lunch. And while I was super excited to see both of these people, being downtown and NOT walking back to my little neighborhood felt awkward and wrong. I miss all my little shopping haunts and my downtown Target and Loring Park. I forgot how I used to sometimes just leave the house in the late morning and just wander around until it was time to buy something to make for dinner. Just walking and people watching and enjoying the weather. I MISS that.
When I met up with my friend Jess for lunch, she gifted me with something that, well, I'm not even sure what to say about it other than it was the most perfect thing she could have given me. When I moved into the studio, she was my cat sitter. If I had a longish trip, I could count on her to check on the baby cat every couple of days, to spend some time hanging out with her and playing with her and just giving her some affection. It made me feel so much better when I was on a trip to know that Stella was getting attention. Jess has a friend who is an artist and she asked her friend to make something for me to help me deal with the loss of my baby cat. It's a tiny replica of my green locker and a tiny baby Stella. The detail that this girl put into this was amazing, right down to the variations of paint on the locker and the dirty tee shirt that doubled as a Stella bed. When I pulled it out of the bag on Thursday, I just started bawling. But it was a good cry. Because as awful as this whole situation has been, it has really shown me that there are amazing people in my life, people who really care about me and want to do things to help me.
On a somewhat less emotional note, I've been making some other changes in my life. Before the fire, I had made a commitment and had been working out every other day for nine weeks. After the fire, that all kind of went to hell. Along with any semblance I had of moderation in eating. I would randomly eat things all day when I was home in Virginia and I would constantly snack during flights. The culmination of this was weighing in at 5 pounds over my original weight loss goal from two years ago. Now, that may not seem like a lot, but I had actually been ten pounds UNDER that goal for quite some time now. Which means I gained 15 pounds. And all the clothes I had had to buy? They weren't fitting so great anymore. So in addition to not having a lot to wear in the first place, now I had limited myself even more by not fitting into what I had. Something had to give.
What worked for me the first time around was keeping track of everything I ate. So, I downloaded MyFitnessPal onto my FancyPants phone and I've been tracking for almost three weeks now. I don't have a scale here in Minneapolis, so I'm not sure of my progress, but just going by how things fit, I think I've made an improvement. My goal in this is to lose twenty pounds by my birthday, which is Halloween. My dress should come in sometime in October or November, so that works out well as far as my first fitting will go. It was tough at first, keeping under my calorie goal, but as time has gone by, it has gotten easier. I've gotten better about not just randomly snacking, but I don't really deny myself too much. That's the key for me, really.
Oh dear, this has gotten long. I think the key is to NOT go a million years without updating. But before I go, about a week ago, a guy on our plane was drinking too much and we were going to cut him off. He came back to the galley to buy another drink and we told him it was his last for the flight. He was actually pretty cool about it, but he wanted to stand around and talk to us while he finished his drink . When he was done, he said, "Here, this is for you." And held out a fifty dollar bill. I looked at it, then looked at him and said, "Uhhhh, that's a fifty dollar bill." He looked at it and back to me and said, "Yep." And I said, "Are you sure you want to give that to me? You realize it isn't going to get your another drink or any special privileges, right?" And he said, "I just want to give this to you." And I said, "Okay, because I am going to take it now and it is going to be mine and you can't have it back." And he just kept thrusting it at me, so I took it and put it in my pocket. And then politely told him that the seatbelt sign was on and that he needed to return to his seat. The point of telling you that is to tell you that I spent that $50 yesterday on three new summertime dresses at Marshalls. I've pretty much decided I am only going to wear dresses this summer. This makes me happy because I like wearing dresses and it makes the Mister happy because he likes looking at me wearing dresses. So, expect outfit photos to resume once I'm back home with access to my camera again. And expect lots and lots of dresses.
